Anyway, the next day the class's workshops began. My paper was posted on our student portal along with three other student's work for the folks in the workshop to read, and then we spent about 15 minutes on each of the four pieces.
The 15 minutes that was spent on my paper was utilized well. I didn't have much to say and feel like when asked a question about the paper I didn't answer it well or fully. For some reason this paper is not necessarily confusing to me, but unclear/undefined. Its like I can't make a decision. I feel that I have a salient point now, but I can't define it. Its all quite frustrating.
Anywho, the feedback I received from the group was good and useful. Instead of a braided essay my paper now reads more like a regular personal narrative. I need to decide if I want to develop it like this or try to recapture the braided aspect. Some of my transitions need help. I think they are fine, but my audience doesn't see a smooth flow. My concluding paragraph needs clarification, along with my dates throughout the paper. Unfortunately this is the hardest part because I don't remember dates at all!!
I also seem to introduce a "new puppy" out of the blue, so I have to decide to introduce it earlier with more detail or to cut it out completely. When I asked if I needed more or less detail in places, the group told me that the overall paper should be longer with more emotion and info about camp such as description of place, he people there and my connection to it. I can do this through use of metaphor, simile or personification. In the introduction I need to add a self discovery angle because that is the theme of the message. Some of the other ways I could start the paper would be to tell of my earliest memory about camp, or introduce the suicide earlier by tying the importance of it and camp together. Some areas need to be more blunt I heard.
The first half of the paper when I talk about the A frame and camp, I make the A frame more vivid and descriptive, but I don't do this when talking about camp. The group decided that maybe I should compare and contrast the two, or change the way I describe the A frame to be less descriptive and make the way I write about camp more descriptive.
The mention of generations at camp should also be embellished. This would help the reader understand the importance of camp and also why mom would be so mad about my decision. The group said that her being mad was confusing because she was the one who decided to move away from camp. However, this is going to be difficult to explain because I feel like I am being to obvious. It's not my fault that people don't understand professional obligation or respect. I do agree that explaining this will create a better of understanding of camp's importance, but just because my mother had us leave camp doesn't mean that she doesn't care for it anymore. At this point I feel like my paper would change focus and be on a topic of manners and being responsible. I feel that I made it clear that leaving camp saved my parent's marriage and that my suicide attempt was because of the fear they would be divorced.
Right now you can tell I am frustrated with this project because a) the class simply doesn't care for my paper or chosen topic b) because while their negative advice is helpful, I am really confused as to what the heck I am attempting to do. It seems like there are too many factors for this paper and focusing on only a few of them isn't an option, but I have to only choose a few because it would be too much to focus on them all! However, I have to mention all of them to a certain extent so that my paper makes sense. AM I THE ONLY ONE CONFUSED HERE?
Also, I need to choose a publication. The group seems to think that the Chicken Noodle Soup books would be good. I don't know I haven't read one before.
P.S. I know this blog isn't meant for venting, but it really helps!
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